I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
