no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
