i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
