Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize