u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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