none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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