shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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