I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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