i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
