I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
