i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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