go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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