[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
