I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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