My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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