She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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