I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
