I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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