the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
