Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
