dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
