You're my little dorito
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
