Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
