So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
