I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
