Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
