you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
