Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize