Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
