And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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