Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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