Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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