I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
