shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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