Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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