i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
