Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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