So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
