i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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