Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
