You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
