and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
