did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
