i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
