nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize