i can't believe i had my finger in that
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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