oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
