I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
