i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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