so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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