he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
