your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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