Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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