Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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