so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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