ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
