I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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