so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
