you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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