I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
