it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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