You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
