her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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