just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
