we have pet lesbian snakes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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